Life is full of disappointments. One-way or the other, we have experienced this feeling throughout our whole life. Our brains are encoded to seek satisfaction and whine about the things we can’t have. Our expectations are sky high, and we are driven to reach those lofty goals, always demanding more and taking things for granted.
Distresses come from expectations. Our expectations of ourselves and others are a set of rules we have created in our hearts about how others should treat us. We dream of acceptance, recognition, and unique treatments from everyone. We also expect others to act according to our beliefs. “Things didn’t go the way you expected, the speech was not to your satisfaction, the food didn’t taste good on your tongue,” and such unnecessary things disappoint us. We build ourselves for high expectations and train our thoughts and minds to always accept only success. When something doesn’t turnout per our expectations, we are sour, sad, unhappy, and even react violently. These feelings can lead to trauma, self-harm and addictions, and even death. It is our own way of thinking that makes us vulnerable to disappointment. How can we undo our programming and retrain our minds to act neutrally with any outcome? Can you try to be neutral when you are waiting for something?
We hope and dream for our children to reach for the stars, believe in our spouses to treat us right, trust our friends to be there for us, but we cannot expect everything to be right as we wished. So, why not accept our children for who they are, and encourage their success and failures without disappointment. Encourage them to do their best and if they didn’t achieve their goals, take it for what it is, without falling apart. If you know the answer to a question you will get, why bother asking it? Instead, accept it without being asked. You expected a promotion or a raise at work, and when you didn’t get it, don’t let that cloud your mind. If you have done your job to the best of your ability, you are honest to yourself, and it doesn’t matter if your boss did not recognize your talent and work ethics, as long as you value yourself and be proud of who you are. When your child gets in trouble for something you didn’t expect him to do, what’s the point of being disappointed? Instead, figure out what went wrong and take actions to prevent that from happening again. If a child did not reach his/her potential according to your expectation, don’t beat yourself about it. Be the parent and show love and understanding the child needs. Encourage him and find support for where the help is needed. When someone is keeping secrets from you, why waste your time and energy worrying about it. Don’t work your mind to figure out the unknown; let it go. You are better off not knowing whatever they are hiding.
Don’t go looking for ways to get hurt. Try and avoid it so you won’t be disappointed. Suppose we can take away our own desires and needs from any situation and be selfless? Stay positive. Give the other party to do things per their willingness, and accept the outcome without any reservation. Be happy for what is and not what it should or could be. We do our best and obtain the result, both positive and negative. Everyone has to pass or fail, win or lose and make mistakes. Accept that middle ground where you have zero expectations and only acceptance. The bottom line is, look deep within yourself, be true to yourself, be honest to others, be trustworthy. If you can believe in yourself, nothing others do or don’t do should affect you. Stay neutral always about anything and everything, without expectation and willingness to accept any outcome. Look at everything positively.
I know we are human, and it is hard to shut down our feelings of need for love and satisfaction, but we certainly can try to minimize the pain we bring to ourselves by taking steps to avoid them. It will take some practice to master your courage, but once you get the hang of it, you will feel happy and peaceful all the time. Nothing can touch you, and you will be free from disappointments!
These are my own experience and opinions that have helped me shaped my life journey. My wish is to share the lessons I’ve learned with my readers.
Bea