The young, healthy greenery that carpeted these hills once, now at the end of its time, still vibrant, falling off its holds, gracefully weaving a colorful blanket covering the hills and mountains far and near before giving its last in nourishing the grounds. I’ve seen it from beginning to end, the cycle of life, how nature accepts it with pride, playing its part, and giving it all to the end!

Another life lesson realized: wisdom falls on me like I am at the end of time. My breath is shallow, and my eyes tear with a peaceful wave. My thoughts are questioning: can it be now, today, or years from now, but it doesn’t matter? I feel ready now to accept the unknown and embrace what’s beyond. No need for struggle, begging for more time, or fear to say goodbye to this borrowed life? Parents, children, life partners, and even the pets we loved dearly were borrowed to fulfill this life. Nothing belongs to us; everything we received in this lifetime we must return at the end.

Accepting this realization is not easy. We each face those moments differently, depending on how we have lived. Returning moments can come in many ways, like fear, troubles, struggles, regrets, and physical and emotional pain. When I think of my parents, I remember the tears and the happy smiles on their fallen faces; I did not see hope there, but love, only love. In their lifetime, they suffered and struggled, but they faced all those life sorrows with a smile on their face and strength in their heart. I have never heard them complain about anything or anyone, never showed disappointment, or blamed anyone but lived their life to the fullest. In the end, did they realize that their lives were borrowed, the time was borrowed, that we, the children, were borrowed and had to let go? Is that why the last hugs from my mother felt a bit longer than usual? Is that why they didn’t struggle, scream, or cry at their last breath? They just went to bed and peacefully, gracefully said goodbye to this borrowed life as they left their bodies. I see that as a blessing! How can we all breathe our last that peacefully, to let go of our time, life, family, friends, connections we made, and lastly, our body to go beyond to the unknown?
With this realization, my soul is awakened, and I find peace. I feel ready to give back all that I have borrowed without regrets. I feel no need to struggle or beg for more time; I will have no last words or requests to fulfill. When that time finds me, just like my parents, hopefully, I can leave in peace!

It’s been a while since I wrote anything. I hope you find a lesson here. Please leave a comment!

Bea

Living convert to nuisance
Bruised and wounded, buried in a stinky hole
Ambiguous life continues without remorse
And you lay waiting

Reasons unheard and crumbled.
Gained experience win no point to the outcome
Ugly truth darkens your credence
Words lose their grip at the tip of your tongue

Dried tears will not leave a trace.
Just as the scars in your heart are not visible to any
Like a falling leaf, you float high and low
No one hears its mourn or the shudder when it hits the ground.

When you hit a low point in life and have a hard time dealing with it, write down what comes to your heart to find solace in your own words!

Bea

These were his thoughts he put down in writing during the few months when he was mourning for his son. I would like to share them with you.

THE MEANING OF DEATH: by Neville Fernando
“I believe that life and death coexist. If there is life, death certainly follows it. Life appears to have originated armed with death. Thus, death has a vital role in the process and purpose of the journey of life. Let us try to understand what death is. Death appears to free life from the body, which was designed according to the instructions given by the DNA. The DNA provides specific instructions to use the natural resources available on earth to construct the body in its unique way. This body made up of natural elements forms a temporary vehicle for life. Life animates the body to carry on its daily activities until the body becomes unfit or incapable of continuing those activities. Then, death occurs, and the body crumbles to return all the elements it borrowed back to earth. On the other hand, life is not made up of borrowed elements and does not appear to crumble. Life seems to be liberated or freed and does not end. When we consider these ideas, we cannot understand what happens to life after the body’s death. The body cannot house life for an indefinite length of time. The length of time a body can host life varies from one to another. Why? What happens to life when its host body dies is mainly speculation. Different religions offer varying answers. Rationalists and Scientists provide other solutions. All their answers fail to convince me but only create new questions. Therefore, I continue to seek satisfying or convincing answers to these questions of life and death. According to Buddhist philosophy, let me briefly explain the relationship between life and death, which originated from Hindu philosophy.
Karma is one word used to explain every event in the life of a human being. Karma is the sum total of every action and reaction experienced in the life of an individual. These actions and reactions are responsible for the successes and failures, pains and pleasures, and all the experiences of a person’s life. It is written, “As you sow, so shall you reap. “According to the Eastern philosophies I mentioned, Karma accompanies every birth and death. Birth and death are continuous cycles, and what a person enjoys or suffers in life is related to the Karma that accompanies him from his previous state of existence. Buddhists believe that life is a cycle of suffering as long as you carry the karmic baggage of debts. Once you pay off the karmic debts fully, you are liberated from the cycle of birth and death to attain Eternal Bliss or Nirvana. Once birth stops, there is no death. Life cannot die.
Another theory that originated in Hindu philosophy is the theory of reincarnation. Reincarnation means that the nonphysical essence of a living being after biological death and transformation begins a new life in a different physical form or body. This is also called rebirth. During the fifth – fourth century, Plato believed in the reincarnation of the immortal soul and argued about it, making logical conclusions. Socrates used the logic of opposites to debate the possibility of reincarnation. Pythagoras believed in reincarnation and claimed to remember previous reincarnations. In the Jewish world, the idea of reincarnation is accepted teaching of the Hasidic community and in Kabbalah teachings of Jewish mysticism. Both Judaism and Christianity believe in a doctrine more challenging compared to reincarnation. That belief is the resurrection of the dead. This is the belief that our dead bodies will someday be revived and brought back to life. Look at John: 11,25-26. Jesus told Martha, sister of Lazarus, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live even though he dies, and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this? “A little later, Jesus resurrects Lazarus from the grave. In the light of the records shown above, it is clear that death cannot end life. Death appears to reinvigorate life to spring forwards in its journey. What really is the Truth? Suppose reincarnation supported by the laws of Karma is true. Then, Jesus Christ, Prophet Mohammed, Gautama Buddha, Mahatma Gandhi, and other great personalities that appeared from time to time to teach the importance of love, compassion, humility, justice, and forgiveness to mankind may have been the same reincarnated person returning to complete the work that was predetermined at a certain point of time. Therefore, another coming of that being in the future in a different body or form is possible to complete the work.
On the other hand, if the resurrection is true, the resurrected person will have the same body with all the memories but with the gift of immortality to reach the desired destination uninterrupted by death. This thought appears to be more challenging and desirable. If none of these lines of thought are correct, what other possibilities are there?”

If you read this blog, please leave a comment, I like to know your thoughts on this subjects. Thank you.

Bea

Distresses come from expectations. Our expectations of ourselves and others are a set of rules we have created in our hearts about how others should treat us. We dream of acceptance, recognition, and unique treatments from everyone. We also expect others to act according to our beliefs. “Things didn’t go the way you expected, the speech was not to your satisfaction, the food didn’t taste good on your tongue,” and such unnecessary things disappoint us. We build ourselves for high expectations and train our thoughts and minds to always accept only success. When something doesn’t turnout per our expectations, we are sour, sad, unhappy, and even react violently. These feelings can lead to trauma, self-harm and addictions, and even death. It is our own way of thinking that makes us vulnerable to disappointment. How can we undo our programming and retrain our minds to act neutrally with any outcome? Can you try to be neutral when you are waiting for something?

We hope and dream for our children to reach for the stars, believe in our spouses to treat us right, trust our friends to be there for us, but we cannot expect everything to be right as we wished. So, why not accept our children for who they are, and encourage their success and failures without disappointment. Encourage them to do their best and if they didn’t achieve their goals, take it for what it is, without falling apart. If you know the answer to a question you will get, why bother asking it? Instead, accept it without being asked. You expected a promotion or a raise at work, and when you didn’t get it, don’t let that cloud your mind. If you have done your job to the best of your ability, you are honest to yourself, and it doesn’t matter if your boss did not recognize your talent and work ethics, as long as you value yourself and be proud of who you are. When your child gets in trouble for something you didn’t expect him to do, what’s the point of being disappointed? Instead, figure out what went wrong and take actions to prevent that from happening again. If a child did not reach his/her potential according to your expectation, don’t beat yourself about it. Be the parent and show love and understanding the child needs. Encourage him and find support for where the help is needed. When someone is keeping secrets from you, why waste your time and energy worrying about it. Don’t work your mind to figure out the unknown; let it go. You are better off not knowing whatever they are hiding.

Don’t go looking for ways to get hurt. Try and avoid it so you won’t be disappointed. Suppose we can take away our own desires and needs from any situation and be selfless? Stay positive. Give the other party to do things per their willingness, and accept the outcome without any reservation. Be happy for what is and not what it should or could be. We do our best and obtain the result, both positive and negative. Everyone has to pass or fail, win or lose and make mistakes. Accept that middle ground where you have zero expectations and only acceptance. The bottom line is, look deep within yourself, be true to yourself, be honest to others, be trustworthy. If you can believe in yourself, nothing others do or don’t do should affect you. Stay neutral always about anything and everything, without expectation and willingness to accept any outcome. Look at everything positively.

I know we are human, and it is hard to shut down our feelings of need for love and satisfaction, but we certainly can try to minimize the pain we bring to ourselves by taking steps to avoid them. It will take some practice to master your courage, but once you get the hang of it, you will feel happy and peaceful all the time. Nothing can touch you, and you will be free from disappointments!

These are my own experience and opinions that have helped me shaped my life journey. My wish is to share the lessons I’ve learned with my readers.

Bea

Infancy amid maturity and beyond
Defied huddles destined to the core
Deprived of option to select the end
What lays ahead is unknown.

Don’t argue the rules of humanity.
When to be born or the moment to die?
Who will fail and who will prevail?
Without guidance, life will pass on.

Hold still to the moment in time.
When reality fades and thoughts mingle
Open your eyes to embrace the visual.
Concede the vibration in life and beyond

Bea

I have achieved more than I ever imagined in my lifetime. I find myself at a junction struggling to find a purpose in life. I am at a loss, without a dream in my heart. I have no desire or longing for anything. My heart is heavy, feeling melancholy. Past events and memories of my childhood keep sneaking into my thoughts, and I recognize things differently now. I find myself mourning for my parents, and my feelings are so real and raw. I think of the times sitting on my Father’s lap and listening to the stories of his adventures. They are more realistic now and regrets the time I’ve lost with him. My Father had fought world war II for the British government, and I can barely remember his stories about it, except the one he was trapped in an underground bunker. The secret entrance was blocked by a bomb blast. He survived three weeks in a trapped bunker with minimal food and water until he was rescued. He was awarded a medal that he never collected from the British Government in England. He was a great man who had done unimaginable things like astral travel and treating people with hypnosis. He floated in the ocean from Sri Lanka to India in three days without danger until he was rescued by a fisherman in India. He was put in jail for the suspicion of being espionage for the unexplained travel from SL to India. My Father’s many adventures were unbelievable to the ordinary public. As a young child, I listened to his stories as fairytales. He has been gone for more than 20 years, and suddenly his memories bring tears to my eyes, and I am in awe of his character and feeling a sense of pride. However, his talent and achievements play no significance today. This is precisely my point I am struggling with. 

Today, at this junction, his life plays before me because I’ve been thinking about the cycle of life. Our purpose in living this life, questioning why we achieve things, build things, raise children, and in the end, we leave all things behind only to be forgotten and lost to the new world. Reality sinks in deep, realizing how my parents felt when we moved out, leaving them to get old alone and doing our duty but in the distance. Father’s wrote to me in his last days, “I am living with borrowed time until I see you again.” And as such, he passed within a month of seeing me.  

When I think of my mother, her life was sad. She was born to a rich father who passed away when she was very young. She suffered throughout her young adult and married life until her last breath. The love she had for us and the sacrifices she made to give us a better life. She was the best mother any child could ever have. My son had the luxury of knowing her, but my daughter never got to experience her love. My grandkids will never learn about their great grandparents, just like I never got to see my own great grandparents. This is the way of life, and we have to live by life rules. The cycle of life continues throughout the centuries. When you stop and think about it, you question why? What is the purpose of our existence here on earth? I know there are answers to that in Buddhist philosophy, “the actions of a person lead to a new existence after death, in an endless cycle called samsara. This cycle is considered to be dukkha, unsatisfactory, and painful. The cycle stops only if liberation is achieved by insight and the extinguishing of desire.” Rebirth – Buddhism – Wikipedia  

 All parents before us had gone through this same cycle of living following the same steps. Though the world is different in each century, what remains unique to all humans, are family. As parents, we all follow the same routine, bear children, nurture them, teach and protect them until they are adults. We go to any extent to push and control our children for education, good behavior, and, most importantly, try to give them better lives than we had. We want them to succeed in this world. When children become adults, parents simply fade away. We cannot change the process of aging, and leaving everyone behind is the way of life. That realization is painful now that the past becomes my present. I never realized how unsettling and lonely it feels to not have that authority or dependency over your children. Suddenly, our existence becomes obsolete.

Slowly but surely, we start to lose our abilities, sight, memory, and at the end, our mind. We lose everything we hold dear when we are unable to recognize our own children. This is true to all humans, rich or poor, successful, powerful, and powerless; they all will leave this world empty-handed. Those we left behind will move on as we become distant memories, and years later are forgotten. This is the cycle of life. We will go on living until the end, hoping our children will be safe and be happy in the world to come.

As an aging mother, I dream of yesterday because I have no dreams for tomorrow. Time has come to follow my own advice I’ve given to others; “don’t worry about yesterday, it’s gone forever, don’t wait for tomorrow, it may never come, all you have is now, so live in this very moment, as if it is your last.”   

Bea 

We congratulate our newly elected president, Joe Biden, and vice president Kamala Harris. With your guidance, we can begin to rebuild and heal our nation. Congratulations America!!

Bea