Saggy skin barely holding the bones.
Hollow eyes hiding the life it lived
Silver hair curling up in neckline.
Stay still if you hear the music.

Thoughts and dreams diverse in a blend
Truth and reality are lost in a sinking memory.
Trials of recognition fading in destiny
Trembling hands reaching for the unknown

Fragile body frame struggling for balance
Wobbling steps doesn’t see the distance.
Shaky hands reaching out in dismay.
To embrace an image surfing in the shadow.

Still young at heart and mind is vital.
Thoughts are fresh and feelings intact.
The skeletal figure shows no comparison.
She smiles back at the reflection in the mirror.

Bea

Let me know your thoughts on this!

There is much I’d love to know about you.
The life you lived and grew up without us.
The heartaches and suffering you had endeavor
Who gave you the strength to overcome life battles?

We met only on a few occasions.
Not much time to build a rapport
Your humor attained my devotion.
But I loved it when you called me “Nanga.”

Our father loved being around his children.
I loved to be among my siblings.
We only have a handful of those occasions.
I treasured every moment when you joined in

I remember those few instances we met as adults.
How we laughed at your jokes at father’s funeral
When you sang at our familial gathering
Would that be the last memory you will leave behind

If we ever had any hurt or mistakes among us
I ask for your forgiveness, for you already have mine.
Let there be no doubt or regret for mishaps in the past.
Shed a tear reflecting only of the good times

I want to say I love you while you are still with us.
I hope you will not have any form of suffering till the end.
If your destiny allows it, I will trade place with you.
To spare your life and offer you mine to live.

Love, Nanga

This has been a very unsettling year since the beginning. Each and every person on this earth has been affected one way or the other. Loss of wealth, health, life, and living have altered all human lives, and we learn to live with it. Tomorrow seems so far away, and yesterday was chaotic and today is overwhelming. Hope for a better future at hand, but the path is blocked, so how we find our way is the challenge at hand. Nothing is certain in this time of our existence. What matters is getting through the day, waiting, and hoping for the best. This, too, shall pass, and we will look back one day and tell our children, grandchildren, how we have survived.

My grandson had his first communion, without his family around, no celebration. A happy moment was stolen from a child.
My nephew’s, chemo treatment was delayed, and his cancer has spread throughout his body. He depends on his children, 23, 18, and 13year old, for his care, who are terrified of what’s to come. My brother is dying of an unknown disease, which is incurable. I can’t imagine the state of mind of his wife as she shoulder this burden alone. Would we get a chance to say goodbye to our loved ones, celebrate their life, or offer comfort and support before it’s too late?
Each family is affected and goes through their own suffering, writing their own stories in the book of life. Corona has not favored any but attacks anyone, rich and poor, young and old, with its viper. What remains is to hold our breath, follow safety guidelines, put on our barriers, stay alert, and help minimize the spread of the virus until the vaccination takes control.

I’d ask you to take this time to tell your loved ones how much you love them, forgive for everything, and feel the peace in your heart instead of waiting. What is the point of crying at a funeral if you never took the time to appreciate their lives when they were alive?

Bea

The moment of TRUTH. Staying home has become a necessity. The epidemic of a virus that is spreading throughout the world has turned our lives into a mess. Living halted. Nature has created a moment for us to hit the brakes and to re-think what is essential in life. This pandemic is shutting down this autopilot world. It is as if the technology has failed, and we are in the dark. We are homebound, no outing, no social gathering, no parties, no work. Nothing is normal, and people fear the uncertainty. People face with fear and financial hardship and lack of support. In this moment of truth, what is our priority, and what we fear the most? Death?

When you give it some thoughts, you realize how disconnected we are from our loved once, family and friends. We hardly had any time to think. We turned into machines and living a robotic interaction with the world, and life has become a time table that we relive and rely on each day. Waking up to an alarm, running to catch the bus/train, getting in time for the meeting, or working overtime to make that deadline as living turns into a raise. We have no time to spare, to say hi to our neighbor, just a ritual hello, or bye-bye that doesn’t mean anything. Families disrupted, separated, living on different continents; we continue to run against time as life passes by us. Making a living, getting that promotion, buying a house, building a business, and all those tasks take priority. Think about the last time you pick up and called your mother or father. When was the last time you took time off to spent it with your children or the last time you spend time listening to your friend when she/he needed you? Can you even remember when you had time to spare just to have a normal conversation with your spouse? When was the last time you thought of checking in with your neighbor? Trapped in this so-called robotic living, we have forgotten to remember what it means to live. Now we are faced with uncertainty; it is time to re-think and come together to connect with humanity.

This moment of truth has priorities that are important in life; living! Our first thoughts are to our family, grandparents, and children’s safety. No matter where they live, we want to make sure they are safe. Then we have to be selfless and think about our neighbors, people around us, and outdoors to keep them safe, following the directions of the medical experts, washing hands, using sanitizers, and taking all precautions to keep everyone safe. The whole world is working together for one goal, to stay alive!

During this challenging time, my thoughts are, time is an essence. Why not take this opportunity to spend with our families. Take this moment to make up for the lost time. Do things that you never had time to do with your children and family. We are fortunate that the technology makes it possible to connect us with anyone, no matter where they live. If your children are not with you, if your spouse is away in another country, if your parents are thousands of miles away, now you have the time to speak to them, connect with them. Show them you care, tell them how you feel, and mean it this time. If there are misunderstandings among family members, friends, and loved once take this time to make things right. Find that family connection, remember the good times, help each other, and everyone around you. Check-in with your neighbors. Take the best use of this given time to be with your family. Together, we will overcome this!

Please obey the safety guidelines, social distancing, washing hands, and staying indoors as much as possible, be safe, and keep others safe.

Thank you for reading,

Bea

As we go through our day to day life activities, the agony makes us snap at our loved once. Most of the time, we try to hide our discomfort with a smile, but the expression of pain on our face sends a different message. The more we go on trying to act perfect and continue with our tasks, we were taken for granted. We expect others to understand our agony, but no one can see or know what we are going through or the depth of our anguish. That makes us unhappy, sad, and lonely, but as mothers, wives, and friends, we continue with our daily tasks, through intense pain.

 We can live with physical impairments. We don’t have to let it take over our lives. We hold power to put the pain at its place. First, recognize the situation, gather all the facts, is there a cure for it, try out all means of support, medicine, physical therapy, and surgeries. When you can’t find a solution, the ultimatum is to live with pain, you accept it. Then you take all the precautions to minimize the suffering without fighting it. Learn to live through it by taking control of the situation. Accept it as a part of your life. Don’t blame yourself or anyone else for your dismay, and let go of self-pity, do not seek attention or understanding from anyone. Do not think pain is a curse or a punishment. We can’t blame others for it, just the same, we can’t expect others to understand it. No one else can see your dismay or feel your agony, not your spouse, children, or friends. So why get angry with them for not understanding your suffering? Why wait for their pity or acknowledgment? Why nag and nag until your children get tired of hearing you complain?

Don’t feel sorry for yourself, or spend too much time focusing on it. The more time you spare to those negative feelings, you give it more power, and pain controls you. Let go of all that negativity, find the strength and wisdom to overpower the suffering. I am not saying you not going to hurt anymore, but it will become much more tolerable. 

Once you accept your physical impairment as a part of your life, then you put yourself first in everything you do. Your comfort becomes a priority in everything you do. Be selfish, and find ways to minimize your suffering. Figure out what triggers your pain, what activities make it worse, and try not to overdo it. Always listen to your body. Don’t worry about what others think and say, focus on yourself and do what is necessary to not go over your limits.  Ask for help when you need to, don’t try to be a hero and try to do everything yourself when your body says otherwise. Carry a cushion in your vehicle, put extra pillows on your bed for support, take many breaks during activities, think about ways to make you comfortable with making your life easier. You may think, what about my children, my husband and family, they expect me to do things; this is where you need to be selfish. Remember, they can’t see or feel your pain, it is up to you to take care of your body, no one else is going to do it for you.   

A river that falls from hills and runs through valleys, with twists and turns beautify the landscape. Pain and suffering are the twists and turns in the lives that give meaning to life, teach us patience, make us humble, compassionate, and open our eyes to a new understanding. We learned to look at things differently. Flowers bloom and die in a short life span, but during that short time, it spread joy, a breath of freshness, sweet scent and beauty, without taking anything in return. We are like flowers, we are here on earth to give without reason, fill the world with love and harmony.  Pain is a part of life; it is the building block that makes us who we are. If you can accept your suffering as a gift, acknowledge it and live through it, you can learn to live again.  Just think to yourself, this is my body, my suffering, and my pain. No one is responsible for it, whatever the situation may be, tell yourself, you can live through it. Then make a plan to take care of yourself, with minimal expectations from others. Find a way to advocate for yourself, make sure you choose the right medicine. Research and find the best physician, do the work, if necessary, work your body as much you can to keep your mobility. Find a happy place, if you can walk, go for a walk, breathe fresh air, find something that makes you happy. When it comes to pain, it is okay to be selfish, to take care of yourself, spare time to pamper yourself, to find joy to make things right by you, to live through your pain, you do need that selfish distraction. It will give you a new meaning to life.

It is okay to be selfish!

Thank you for reading my blogs. Please leave a comment and come back.

Bea